Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
