I wanna passion pit in your ass
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Less talking, more tequila
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
