Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
