There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize