some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
