Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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