Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
