I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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