My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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