You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
