Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
