Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
