You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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