This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
