i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
