I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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