i wish peter jackson would direct porn
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
