i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
