I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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