Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
