i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
