I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
