i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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