True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
