cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
did i just pee glitter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
