dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
