She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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