I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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