Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
