i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
