He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
