I want to make a zoo with you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
