am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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