what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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