no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
