Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
