how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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