It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
