Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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