pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I deserve this hangover.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
