awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
