i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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