Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
