you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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