Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
