my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
