it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
