So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
only if we run a train.
done.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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