Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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