$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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