A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
