The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
