I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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